My Fall Fish Story or How the WWF Taught Me to Land a Striper

I was aghast! I was fishing with my BFF, Lisa on the Bohemia River for some fall stripers when, out of the blue, as we are trying to be as quiet, concentrated and as stealthy as possible, a bass boat roars by, throws a wake and generally upsets our strategy. "A**HOLES" yelled Lisa but, to no avail, as the loud sound of their engine drowns out her curses at a speed of about 60 knots.

"Lisa! Please " I was appalled. "They are NOT a**holes. They are bassholes. Let's get it right and use the proper terminology here!"

Let me just say for those of you unfamiliar with the sport of striped bass fishing on the Chesapeake Bay, that bass boats are, well, sort of like the NASCAR/Dukes of Hazzard of the Chesapeake Bay. They are the low boats in sparkly, usually red and black with two seats and seat belts for the two passengers. They go very fast so that the bass fishermen can hit as many bass holes as possible all over the river. You can usually spot them standing on the bow casting and or drinking Bud and smoking . These are not the tony little center console striper boats.

One rule when striper fishing and they are near: never yell, whoop, cry with glee, etc. when you get a big fish on. It will let on to where the fish are biting and they will be , well, up your basshole in a New York minute.

So, I noticed one bass boat fishing relentlessly where I live for half the day. I knew the fish were there and projected the best time to be there: just before the incoming high. I made a foray up Mill Creek in my little kayak and picked up some big perch then headed for my spot. I pulled up at a respectable distance from them, but this did not keep them from giving me the hairy eye ball and muttering under their breath. Here I was a girl in a kayak and I pulled up near their fishing spot and I was going to screw it up for sure.

You can imagine I felt the pressure was on. I felt intimidated at first and then I was determined. I would prove myself and show these bassholes up right then and there. The fish were sitting deep and I would jig with a small chartreuse bass assassin with a 3/8 head. For some unknown reason it is my "thing" and I will catch fish when no one else can but I was "on" and usually when people are staring, I screw up really badly. I was already fumbling with my anchor.

Then , I heard a voice in my head from far, far away . It was Lisa !(down south on the Virginia Eastern Shore in her fishing cottage) . It was just like Yoda in Star Wars."Show them how it's done, Christie. Show them how......" "Use the force, Christie, use the force"

It worked last time when we pulled up to some bassholes and we got the same treatment. "Go show them how it's done, Christie" Lisa said so, I went out on the bow and cast into the eddies and pow, a fish on the first cast! I loved the look on their faces.

So, I cast out once and felt the drift. OK, not quite. Again better. Now on the third cast I am feeling the love and then....TUG......TUG.....I have a fish on! Wow!!! Oh my god, the tip of my rod bennnnds doooown reallly low and I hear the yeeeeeeee of the drag going out! And the bassholes are watching very closely because they are right in front of me and the noise of the drag has really gotten their attention and it is a big one and my kayak is not behaving and I WILL NOT LOOSE THIS FISH especially in front of these guys. I pump and pump and finally it surfaces and my net is on the other side of the kayak and I can't reach it and I have this beautiful, heavy 23 inch striper dangling in the air and I can't let go of my rod! I can't get the fish.

"What are you gunna do nooooow!" Laughter, laughter.,laughter...is what I hear from the bassholes. I am pissed! "Same thing I did last time" I yelled back.

I brought the fish in front of me. Now, I did a little research on line and I think there is a WWF wrestling move that might describe my next move best. I have copied the exact description for accuracy:

Body scissors
A wrestler approaches a sitting opponent from in front, behind, or either sides. The attacking wrestler then sits next to the opponent and wraps their legs around the opponent, crossing their ankles and then tightening their grip by squeezing together their thighs or straightening their legs to choke the wrestler by compressing their torso. This hold is often used in conjunction with a hold applied to the head or the arms in order to restrain the opponent and makes them want to tap out.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Professional_wrestling_holds#Body_scissors

Now I had a wildly flopping fish pinned in my kayak subdued with this wonderful wrestling move. Those late nights at the local Elkton dive bar drinking Coors Light and watching WWF paid off after all!

I was able to reach the net. I scooped the fish into it and just sat cross legged on top of it while it continued to thrash around with a beaming smile on my face. The bassholes burst out laughing; good laughter, not bad and they turned out to be nice guys eventhough a girl in a kayak after three minutes just caught a bigger fish than they did after sitting there five hours!